Runnin' Around Farangless

I am living off the beaten path, in Trang, Thailand. The locals here have seen almost no other farangs (Thai word for foreigner).  Locals follow me down the street with their jaws on the ground, amazed to see a white person.

My students prod me, telling me how white I am. Their scrawny, germ-infested fingers poke my arm saying, “white” they then point themselves and say “black.” Like they have never seen someone who hadn’t seen the sun in half a year.

The irony of it is, most of the beauty products here contain whiteners. Thai’s try to bleach their skin like Michael Jackson every time they wash their face. Even their deodorant contains whiteners. After rubbing whitening lotion all over themselves: they go to the beach only to smoother themselves in coconut oil and lay out to work on their tan.

Being the minority is hard. I now know how a black person in Salt Lake feels. At least in Salt Lake they occasionally run into their kinfolk.

I never thought I would miss white people so much.

Okay, this sounds like a post about race. Let me clarify, I just miss English speakers. I could care less what color they are. For some reason, it is just easier to go with white. I would love to encounter an asian who speaks fluent English. What would be better is a black man who speaks fluent English. I don’t care; I just want to have an actual conversation, in English, above a 3^rd grade level.

I have always been made fun of for how slow I speak. Now, on a daily basis, I have people telling me that I am speaking too fast. I don’t know how much slower my speech can get without coming out as a low hum.

I even got desperate enough to try and find fellow English speakers within a 25-mile radius on the Internet. After several desperate emails to what I hoped were English speakers in the area, I have discovered that the only ones here are creepy men in their late 50’s. Not exactly my cup of tea.

So when my roommate and I went to a tourist island last weekend, we were overly excited to see so many English speakers. It was like we forgot there were so many people in the world like us. I couldn’t wait to talk to them all. Until I realized how intimidating speaking English again was.

I tried talking to several of them and it was like I forgot how to speak my own language. Butterflies flew up in my throat and my face flashed bright pink. I choked on all my words, probably leading the person I was trying to converse with to believe I was a recent male graduate receiving my degree in the field of engineering.

I made a friend or two on the trip. Only one spoke English. Somehow the friends I did make were Thais, living in a touristy area, they were blown away by a farang who spoke a little Thai. In a touristy area, my 15 Thai words I had learned, turned into me being close to fluent in the language. We really took the locals by storm with our in-depth knowledge of the Thai language.

We are back in Trang and I am not sure how long I am going to stay sane without other English speakers. So if you know of anyone passing through, please, dear god, send him or her my way.